Bizarre, disturbing writings from Beto O’Rourke’s youth uncovered

March 16, 2019

New York Democrat Mario Cuomo once famously said that politicians “campaign in poetry and govern in prose.” But if that is true for Robert “Beto” O’Rourke, the recently declared presidential candidate from Texas, then Americans are in for quite the treat in 2020.

Using the pseudonym “Psychedelic Warlord,” a 16-year-old O’Rourke once penned an experimental piece of writing entreating a “sacred Cow” to “wax” his rear-end and “scrub” his genitals. O’Rourke’s bovine ballad is just the latest bizarre episode in a series of surreal moments from the failed Senate candidate since he lost to Republican Ted Cruz in the 2018 midterms. In an even more disturbing piece, he detailed a fantasy of running over children with his car.

Hacktivist Democrat

“The Song of the Cow” isn’t the only eccentric artifact recently unearthed from O’Rourke’s past. Earlier this week, a Reuters investigation determined that the presidential hopeful, now 46, was a part of an infamous network of hackers during his teenage years.

The name of this rebellious hacktivist group? The Cult of the Dead Cow — a nom de guerre facetiously inspired by an abandoned Texas slaughterhouse.

But when a teenage O’Rourke wasn’t busy pirating in stolen software and cracked video games, he was sharpening his skills as an online essayist, waxing lyrical on a set of topics that were as diverse as they were disturbing.

In one piece, O’Rourke wrote longingly about his desire for a “money-less society,” explaining how such a system would only be possible by “totally toppling the government.” New York Democratic socialist Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez would be proud.

However, O’Rourke’s short piece of fiction exploring the exhilaration experienced from murdering children is most likely to raise eyebrows and ruffle feathers.

“One day, as I was driving home from work, I noticed two children crossing the street. They were happy, happy to be free from their troubles,” he wrote. “This happiness was mine by right. I had earned it in my dreams.”

O’Rourke continued: “As I neared the young ones, I put all my weight on my right foot, keeping the accelerator pedal on the floor until I heard the crashing of the two children on the hood, and then the sharp cry of pain from one of the two. I was so fascinated for a moment, that when after I had stopped my vehicle, I just sat in a daze, sweet visions filling my head.”

Happy trails

O’Rourke said Friday that he was “incredibly embarrassed” and “not proud of” the murder fantasy writings, but added that he hoped focus would stay on “the big issues.”

Of course, O’Rourke doesn’t owe anyone an apology for expressing his dark musings as a budding teenager. But when taken as a snapshot of the Texas Democrat’s personality, a complete picture begins to emerge — and it’s not particularly presidential.

From his barefoot interview with Vanity Fair, to his soul-searching, cross-country tour of the American West, Americans are slowly coming to terms with a frank and uncomfortable reality: Texas dodged a bullet in 2018.


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Benjamin Baird

Benjamin Baird is a senior staff writer for the Conservative Institute. He is a veteran infantryman of Iraq and Afghanistan with over 1000 days in combat and holds a degree in Middle Eastern studies from the American Military University. Ben is Writing Fellow at the Middle East Forum and has written for dozens of conservative publications, including The Daily Caller, American Spectator, American Thinker, New English Review and Jewish News Syndicate.